i engage with experimental music, improvisation, and audio programming as a way to think and explore new sound experiences.
// as a non-native english speaker, i embrace the ambiguity in my language here. english speakers might find my expressions unconventional, and native chinese or other language speakers might see them as unclear. in this uncertain space, unexpected overlaps may emerge, forming a discontinuous resonance.
recently working on...
i put my most recent tracks here because they feel closest to where i am right now. they’re unreleased—I’m not sure what happens next. they might blend into other works, evolve into something else, or simply remain as they are.
as xxorx plays with how sound moves and mutates—fragments, patterns, densities...,xxory focuses on the overlap and tension between the organic and the logical. there will be a live gig of xxory in may, at my favorite venue, 隔壁, in yiwu, china, so i’ve been preparing for that recently as well.
may has passed. now it's july. i felt like l lost june somewhere.
getting deeper with...
over the past year, i’ve been working to consolidate and deepen my knowledge of digital audio, primarily through maxmsp. recently, i followed the structure of the computer music tutorial to fill my theoretical and technical gaps, creating patches focused on topics like mixing and signal processing. for filters and delay lines, i studied generating sound and organizing time, using gen~ to build sample-accurate patches. i’ve found all of these topics deeply engaging—and they feel like a perfect entry point into exploring the complexities of reverb topologies.
next, i plan to explore ircam libraries—bach and cage for composition, mubu for analysis and resynthesis, and spat5 for spatialization. i also need to familiarize myself with writing daisy code and working with rnbo. however, since daisy is a bit pricey and hard to find here, I may eventually return to esp32.
some thoughts...
i stayed in uk for 4 years and came back last year. during these years, i was very poor. good food is out of my budget and good house too. i was living in a office building, and there was a fire station by the side of the building. after came back, i put a lot of food in my body and bought loads of stuff to fill my space. i got fat, very fat. it's crazy. i started to work as a freelancer, trying to get all the investment back when i study in uk. it's working but i started to feel like the computer is becoming a new organ. i created a lot of sound work using computer, and fed it to my audiences. i got a bit confused, i think im using the computer like a dick.
i still need money and pursue my career on the audio programming, but now im trying to find gaps to isolate with this organ sometime. the computer stays in my living room, so i turned another small bedroom to a reading room. but i do reading for a purpose, it is for my freelance work as well. to be honest, i wish i could do this naturally, not for benefiting myself. but i couldn't avoid the nature of myself, when i realise this i always feel disappointed. the ideal image of myself is a calm person, dont make decisions relying on its desire.
and it is so lame to say, wish im another person. or worse, a person who has a dick. im so confident at pretending when i didnt realise i was, that's why im a awkward performer.
and the past, when i was approaching music through field recording and sample manipulating, spend a lot of time in the woods, singing, i always feel the eager to find it back, but it's hard. my desire needs me and it's eating my energy. it drags me back before i take a step outside, to my living room, i feel disappointed at myself again.
i should not have an ideal image of myself. this is bad for mood. but how can i grow properly without a goal? i think i need more moments, which couldnt be defined as success or failure, done or not done.
these thoughts sound like im sad. but im still happy that i find a way to measure my work during this year. more students seeking for my help, and im getting more and more professional. for worship the outcome of my career, i booked a nice hotel near westlake for my upcoming birthday. i wont take my laptop, maybe even not a book. there's a cliche way to call this - staycation.